top of page
79037092-d964-42fb-84da-a6218e1c3aa0 2.JPG

With Percy, her familiar

Samantha has six children. Three of them are step children, which means that they have been brought up properly, by someone else, and are therefore nice.  But her three are a lot better at shoplifting.

She is 53, but looks younger because she's had a lot of work done.   Some people have said that that makes her a bad feminist.  They don't know the half of it.

She is an alcoholic and hasn’t had a drink for 17 years. And that's ok - she doesn't need to drink in order to socialise or dance.  Happily, she doesn’t even need to drink to wet herself.

For nearly thirty years, Samantha was an accountant.  A click on the LinkedIn icon above will reveal that for once this isn't even a lie.  She gave it up when, despite her best efforts, she only managed to sleep her way to the middle.  Samantha dreams of a day when we are all treated the same, and bosses will sleep with all of their staff, whether they fancy them or not.  

Samantha's maiden name was Wise.  To this day she is the height of the hobbit, Sam Wise, out of Lord of the Rings.  Being called Goblin Girl throughout your teens is character building.


Her first bid to rid herself of this name was to marry a Latvian whom she met as a teenager.  She will not be marrying any more Latvians.  They don’t want her to.


bottom of page